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Courtship and Connection

March 12, 2012

To make a deep and lasting connection with someone you’re attracted to begins with chemistry.  Scientists have actually studied just how and why people are attracted to some and not to others. I believe that without chemistry a courtship will be a relationship to nowhere. Besides physical attraction/chemistry, there must be more that you find attractive in each other. And, the best way to gauge whether or not there is chemistry between you and another is whether you like each other. What? Like? Yes, like. It’s a very simple truth that the best romances begin with what your mother probably told you…..friendship.

 Courtship – from the very beginning – involves learning all you can about each other.  If, indeed, the goal of courtship is finding someone you want to live your life with then it is imperative that you do learn as much as possible about each other….as soon as possible.  No subject should be “off limits” – particularly the “unpleasant” ones like money, politics and religion. Ouch!  Real romance killers, I know. And, yes, I know that “opposites attract” and can often broker a peace on serious issues if they are deeply in love.  However, study after study has proven that the happiest and longest lasting relationships are those where the partners are more alike than not – particularly on important key issues.

Besides discussing the “unpleasant” issues, it’s also very important to connect on a deep, emotional level as doing so is the cornerstone of a good relationship. How do you do this? Well, much like – if not exactly like – you do when you are making a new friendship: share your thoughts, feelings, fears, goals, aspirations, etc. If either of you can’t do this – or are afraid that doing so will endanger the relationship – then connecting at the deeper level necessary for a good, healthy relationship just won’t happen which means that you are probably pursuing the wrong relationship.  Why? Because you aren’t really connecting.

Courtship, then, should give each person the opportunity to discern whether or not the connection with the other person is one that will stand the test of time. Will that person you are attracted to have your back and stand with you through everything? Can you can count on them to support you through thick and thin, richer and poorer………….. “till death do you part?”

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