But that’s not what this post is about.  What it is about is my observations about peoples’ relationship to food and others’ perceptions about that relationship.

I have a friend who used to be a high fashion model.  When she aged out of her profession, she decided to take a long overdue vacation so she went to Greece where she promptly began to put on some extra weight.  “The food was SO good,” she told me, “and the Mediterranean Sea air stimulated my appetite.” Not used to the extra 10 pounds, she began to anguish but didn’t stop eating. Food – and the dining experience – was part of the Greek way of life. Besides, she realized that for her entire modeling career, she had been on a diet and was probably a bit underweight during that time for her height and frame so she could easily handle the extra 10 pounds. She stopped anguishing about the weight gain when it was explained to her that Greek men liked a woman who liked and enjoyed food as it indicated that the woman was passionate. And, passion – to the average Greek man – was very important.

When she told me her story, I began to pay closer attention to how women behaved around food. Over time, I’ve come to believe that Greek men are on to something.  EVERY size 0 – you know, the women who you never see eating yet aren’t anorexic  and who only drink Perrier at parties – I’ve ever observed or known never seem to be in a really good mood.  You also never see them consuming something and rolling their eyes in ecstasy – a reaction I’ve observed that REALLY interests men. The other thing that I’ve observed is that most men are attracted to women who are passionate to some degree about food. Sometimes that passion is very subtle – but when it’s there, men pick up on it and equate that with passion in another room, if you get my drift.

So, if you are one of those size 0 folks and are having trouble connecting with potential dates or mates, maybe you should have a sandwich – or a hot fudge sundae. You know, something really good that will make your eyes roll and put you in a good mood. Who knows where the simple pleasure of enjoying something good to eat will lead?  My former-high-fashion-model friend never regretted those extra 10 pounds and found true love. She swears it was because she was finally able to relax, eat and enjoy life. Something to ponder………

So, if you have a job be very thankful and do everything within your power to be the best employee. Now, I’m not suggesting that you bow to any illegal or unethical demands made by an employer or to accept abusive behavior of any kind.  Rather, what I’m suggesting is that you be the best employee that your employer has – the kind that they would think twice about before laying off or firing.

There are things – habits to either avoid or break – that can most certainly guarantee you the reputation of being a great employee. I ran across an excellent article that outlines those habits that can sabotage your job.  Here’s the link: http://financiallyfit.yahoo.com/finance/article-113821-11724-4-10-work-habits-that-could-get-you-fired?ywaad=ad0035&nc

Happy New Year folks! I sincerely hope that everyone who wants/needs a job finds one……SOON! And, remember, to increase the odds that you will be or remain employed, resolve to break those habits that could be standing in the way of your success.

]]> http://medoraonline.com/2012/01/04/break-these-habits/feed/ 0 Medora http://medoraonline.com/2012/01/02/the-sound-of-silence/ http://medoraonline.com/2012/01/02/the-sound-of-silence/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 04:03:50 +0000 Medora http://medoraonline.com/?p=681 ]]> Happy New Year folks!  I want to begin the New Year by sharing an insight from the wisest woman alive that I know, my grandmother – Medora III.

We were visiting on the phone recently and were marveling at our shared perception that the week between Christmas and New Year’s seemed to last and drag on forever. We both pondered this and concluded that perhaps it was due to the fact that the activity level for most people subsides significantly compared to the weeks leading up to Christmas.

I also think that during that week, many folks tend to spend some time reflecting on the past year and making plans for the year ahead.  The good thing about using time that week to reflect is that – to do so effectively – you often find yourself thinking in silence, without distractions. And, particularly after a busy and frenetic holiday season, doing so can seem to make time stand still.

Which brings me to Medora III’s insight: Even though it might be somewhat boring or dull, we should welcome those times when the activity level in our lives isn’t as exciting as other times as opportunities to reflect, recharge and maybe even regroup.  That time alone, in silence, is good for both your physical and mental health.

Never one to ignore Medora III’s advice, I have done just that the past week and now feel prepared for all of the challenges and blessings that are sure to come in the New Year. I sincerely hope that you are too!

I’d call him every year on his birthday and instead of saying “I’m 95 today” he’d say very joyfully, “I’m 95%!”  He always said that if he made it to 100 – 100% – that he would then be perfect. Well, he didn’t make it to perfection, but he came very close.

Reflecting back on how he would state his age, I realize that he wasn’t just trying to be funny. He was actually being rather philosophical – although he wouldn’t see it as such. You see, my grandfather’s life had been an extraordinary and sometimes very difficult journey.  He suffered great hardship from a very young age and didn’t always lead the most exemplary life as an adult. I truly loved hearing his stories and as I would learn more and more, I was amazed by the fact that despite his circumstances at any given time, he knew how to enjoy life. He loved people and always had a warm, genuine smile on his face.

I think that he had such a good attitude about life because he wasn’t too hard on himself. Oh, he was ambitious and competitive enough to make a good living for his family, but he always seemed to be able to handle stresses in life easily. And, perhaps he was able to do so because he gave himself time – time to grow, time to learn, etc. He was smart enough to realize that at age 35, 45, etc. he didn’t know as much as he would know the older he became. He also understood that with aging comes wisdom – either that or dementia – so growing older never seemed to bother him.

It’s taken me a few years to figure out just what he meant and was really trying to say when he last said to me, “I’m 95%!” And since I’ve realized the underlying meaning of how he stated his age, I’m not so hard on myself. I’ve got quite a ways to go before I reach “perfection” but on the journey to that destination I will follow my grandfather’s example and continue to grow and learn.

So, Happy Birthday Papaw! You were a good, 95% perfect man who was loved, appreciated and will always be missed.

This year, though everyone in my immediate family is doing well, I do have some friends and extended family members who are facing challenges and my heart aches for them.  One friend’s mother is dying, another friend’s mother fell and sustained a concussion and head wound and a great aunt has fallen several times and may have to be hospitalized. All of these events happened over the last few days and reminds me that “life” happens and goes on in despite any plans we mortals might have made for parties, celebrations, etc.

It also reminds me that despite any plans we make, we must always be willing and able to change those plans if someone needs us. And, we must be willing to do so cheerfully.  The person going through a tough time doesn’t need to be made to feel guilty or like they are imposing when they reach out for emotional support. It’s part of the unwritten “being a friend” deal you make when you have a friend relationship with someone.  Being a friend also applies to family relationships – something some folks sadly forget as they let family issues/dynamics interfere with doing the right thing.

So, what is the best response to someone who needs you to be a friend to them? It’s really quite simple. After you learn about or listen to their problem, ask them this question: What can I do to help you? Assuming that their response is reasonable and that you can act upon it, then be willing (graciously) to act upon their request. It’s what “being there” is all about.

BUT, the same article states that more teens are using pot because they don’t see it as dangerous. Hmmmm. This is not good? Why are teens using either? BOTH alcohol and pot are illegal for them to use. And, for very good reason – their brains aren’t fully developed and really aren’t until their late teens/early twenties. Don’t believe me? Ask a brain scientist.

However, I don’t want to get into a discussion about brain science – rather, I just want to put a few questions out there for all of us to ponder. The first question that pops into my mind: Why do teens feel the need to medicate with either drugs or alcohol? What is it about their lives that needs to be neutralized by a substance? My next question is: Where are the adults?  Where are the folks who are supposed to be there helping young people navigate the perilous waters of life? Are they setting good examples – you know – like obeying the laws themselves regarding drug and alcohol use?

I guess you’ve picked up on the fact that I don’t think the news about teen drug and alcohol use is good. In fact, I think it is tragic. But what is more tragic is the fact that the adults in the lives of teens who use these substances are failing them. All adults – notice I said all and not just parents – need to do a better job for and with our most precious resource.  To borrow a thought from Jacqueline Kennedy, if we mess up raising our most precious resource – our children – nothing else we accomplish or achieve in life individually or as a society matters. Nothing.

Hearing those stories are heart-warming and remind me of the “Secret Santa” we have in my own family.  My grandmother – Medora #3 – was gifted with a generous and compassionate spirit, one that is tempered with humility and pragmatism.  Growing up, more than anything she said, I watched and observed the things she did – particularly what she did for others.

One recent example of her giving and loving heart was during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.  She is a survivor of the storm and upon return to her home after it was safe to do so, she was learning about the struggles of others who had lost everything.  She was fortunate and felt very blessed as her home had only sustained minor damage and her heart ached for those who found themselves homeless.  For a time, many people were literally roaming the streets dazed and confused as they processed the enormity of their loss and tried to salvage what was left of their lives. My grandmother decided that what many of those folks needed beside food, clothing and shelter – which many churches and non-profit organizations were trying to provide – was money. So, any time she ventured out, she’d go by her bank and withdraw several twenty dollar bills.  Then, whenever she’d encounter someone who looked like they could use some help, she’d very discreetly and quietly hand them some money.

I learned about this several years after the hurricane during casual conversation with her. I wasn’t shocked by her generosity as much as I was over the fact that she didn’t mention it sooner. But then I had to consider the source.  Of course she wouldn’t brag about handing out twenty dollar bills to strangers as she wouldn’t see it as anything more than something that she should and ought to do. Learning what she had done for others – and perfect strangers at that – only made me admire, respect and love her even more. And that folks, was her payoff.

Sitting diagonally across from me was what appeared to be a young family: a father, mother and a young boy of about three.  What I witnessed made my hair explode – situations like I’m about to describe usually do. I’m surprised I’m not bald.

Both parents where eating – as was the little boy – and at the same time BOTH parents were tapping away on their respective smart phones.  I was amazed at their phone activity so – I’ll admit it – I continued to observe them as I was eating.  Questions popped into my head: Was there some emergency? Were they life-saving physicians – like neurosurgeons? I don’t think that the answer to either of those questions was “yes” as I observed both of them smiling and laughing at their devices and occasionally looking up at each other to share something.

The boy – on several occasions – tried quietly and politely, I must add, to get their attention.  He couldn’t, so involved were his parents in whatever they were doing on their phones. They weren’t smiling and laughing with him. And that is what made my hair explode.  What “message” were they sending to that innocent, impressionable boy?  What could be so important that neither of them could put away their phone to simply enjoy being together as a family? What was that young boy going to learn about his own importance to them, human interaction and – well, let’s just throw it out there – manners?

It’s a good thing that I DO have manners otherwise I would have walked over to the adults and given them an earful on behalf of their child whom they were ignoring. I didn’t – but I really wanted to.

As a child, I was often perplexed by the behavior of some of the adults in my family whenever there was a get-together. Most would act pleasantly, but there was always the odd one or two who seemed loaded for bear.  They would use the occasion to let others know their displeasure over something, make snide comments, have a “chip on their shoulder” and/or try to make everyone else miserable because they were. The irony of the behavior of these folks is that, in reality, I sensed that what they really wanted was to be accepted and loved – even though they were acting in ways that were neither acceptable nor loving.

So, as I grew up – being the brilliant child that I was – it dawned on me that the best way to have others accept and like/love you was to be likeable and loving. As I became aware of the people whom others admired and looked up to in my family, I realized that this is how they behaved.

Now, I know that I’m not always likeable or loving to everyone – who is? But I do know – I have learned – that your chances of being loved/admired/liked by most people increases when you act lovingly towards them. This concept is especially important to remember when interacting with in-laws, siblings and other family members with whom having a loving relationship can be wrought with challenges and pitfalls. So, this holiday season, resolve to put aside your defenses, make an intellectual decision to enjoy the family gathering and act lovingly toward everyone you encounter. And, if you behave this way every time you are around these same folks, you just might be surprised at the results. After all, for most people, it is hard for to be nasty/mean/sarcastic/defensive toward someone who treats them well.

O.K. – so some of you may think that the last part is an accurate statement. But I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.  I don’t know who the person wrote it is friends with but if he/she doesn’t feel as if or think that they have anyone in their life they can depend on (someone in their family?), well folks, that’s about the saddest place in which a human being can be. Everybody needs somebody that they feel they can depend on to “be there” no matter what – even the most unlovable and disenfranchised among us. And I really believe that most – if not all of us – have someone.

Which makes me believe that perhaps the writer of the post really does have people he/she can depend on for what is truly important but isn’t getting other things from those folks. You know, he/she could be making unreasonable demands, be pulling a fit over not getting something they desire, etc. To which I’d have to respond, “thank you so much for warning us all.”

I’d thank them for warning us because – in my experience – people who focus on themselves are insufferably narcissistic. Oh, I know about all of the blah blah about loving yourself, being good to yourself, etc. And I’m not advocating martyrdom, but trust me folks, very few of us are at risk of being self-loathers.

Now if the writer intends to focus on him/herself in order to improve the internal aspects of who they are, to explore ways to build a stronger character, etc., then I’d say, “bravo!” Why? Because doing so will be a discovery that that kind of self –focus actually takes the focus off of you and places it on others. With that sort of self-focus comes the realization that your greatest happiness lies in the positive influence and impact you can have on someone else’s life.  You know, you become the person that others can depend on and they love and admire you for it. And that folks is a very rewarding place to be.