Courtship and Communication

Last week, I wrote about the importance of making the right connection with your romantic interest.  For that connection to have a future, it must be more than just a physical attraction – you must like each other.  And, as friends do, so must a romantic couple which is to communicate – find out about each other, share, etc. If this friendly communication is lacking, eventual relationship problems are almost guaranteed.

If either party is dissatisfied in a relationship, it is usually because there has been a break-down in communication.  And, this break-down can happen early on – not just with long-term couples. I’ve observed that when communication break-down does happen early in a relationship, it should serve as a warning sign that perhaps no matter how strong the physical attraction may be, you may not be right for each other. So, you need to be honest and ask yourself some questions.

Does the conversation with your beloved flow easily (it should)?  Do you feel “heard?” Do you like listening to them? Do the details of their life hold your interest and vice versa? Do you feel safe with discussing any and all topics with each other (again, you should)? Do you sit down and just talk and visit – which involves each of you giving the other your undivided attention with no distractions and really listening. Or, does your relationship revolve almost completely on its physical aspects –the racing hormones and sexual attraction – and you (or they) aren’t really interested in the daily challenges, what they did at work, etc.?

During the courtship phase of a relationship, it is critical to ask these questions along with some difficult ones.  Some of the difficult questions that need to be addressed and discussed might involve whether or not to have children, religion, family issues, money management, career goals, etc. Not doing so can be disastrous later – especially if the relationship culminates in a marriage and the two people involved realize one day that they are really not well suited partners for each other.

If you find yourself dating someone with whom you do, indeed, communicate well, then to continue enjoying a good relationship you both must work at maintaining that communication. But, doing so isn’t and shouldn’t be difficult.  In fact, I am a true believer that good relationships are easy – not challenging. The “maintenance” should not be a burden.  It should, instead, just flow and be something you each enjoy.