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Out of Focus

December 7, 2011

As I was reading some of the latest Facebook posts from friends, there was one that really made me go “ARGHH!” I don’t want to directly quote the post as I never like throwing anyone under the bus and I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I’ll just give the gist.  It went something like this:  “I’ve decided that I need to focus on me because I’m the only one I can depend on.”

O.K. – so some of you may think that the last part is an accurate statement. But I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.  I don’t know who the person wrote it is friends with but if he/she doesn’t feel as if or think that they have anyone in their life they can depend on (someone in their family?), well folks, that’s about the saddest place in which a human being can be. Everybody needs somebody that they feel they can depend on to “be there” no matter what – even the most unlovable and disenfranchised among us. And I really believe that most – if not all of us – have someone.

Which makes me believe that perhaps the writer of the post really does have people he/she can depend on for what is truly important but isn’t getting other things from those folks. You know, he/she could be making unreasonable demands, be pulling a fit over not getting something they desire, etc. To which I’d have to respond, “thank you so much for warning us all.”

I’d thank them for warning us because – in my experience – people who focus on themselves are insufferably narcissistic. Oh, I know about all of the blah blah about loving yourself, being good to yourself, etc. And I’m not advocating martyrdom, but trust me folks, very few of us are at risk of being self-loathers.

Now if the writer intends to focus on him/herself in order to improve the internal aspects of who they are, to explore ways to build a stronger character, etc., then I’d say, “bravo!” Why? Because doing so will be a discovery that that kind of self –focus actually takes the focus off of you and places it on others. With that sort of self-focus comes the realization that your greatest happiness lies in the positive influence and impact you can have on someone else’s life.  You know, you become the person that others can depend on and they love and admire you for it. And that folks is a very rewarding place to be.

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