He’s Coming Home
Yesterday, I received a call from my soldier son. “Mom, I’m in Kuwait. I’ll be home tomorrow.”
Hearing those words made my heart sing. At the same time, I started weeping and couldn’t stop for 3 hours. I wept for joy. I wept out of relief. I wept for those who would never hear those words because their loved one would never come home – at least not alive.
I didn’t know that my son was coming home this soon. However, my husband and the rest of the world knew and they kept it from me as a surprise. To say I was surprised was an understatement. He had left this past June on his 2nd deployment to Afghanistan and wasn’t due back home until sometime in the spring of ’12. But, since he had completed his command duties and transferred power to the new, incoming officer, the Army told him he could go home. Early.
I felt more ill at ease than I had when he left on his 1st deployment. Perhaps that was due to the fact that I had a better understanding of some of the dangers that he would face. Or perhaps it was knowing that he was headed over this time with greater responsibilities. Either way, I had to accept the fact that he was going back someplace that no mother wants to ever see her son go – to war.
So there are 3 things that I am looking forward to at this point: 1.) Hugging and holding him…tight; 2.) Sleeping peacefully with the knowledge that all 3 of my “chickens” are safe in their respective nests in TEXAS! Daughter in Dallas – check. Son in Houston – check. Son in the Army at Ft. Hood – check; and 3.) Removing the “Blue Star” banner that has served duty hanging in our front window during both deployments. (A Blue Star indicates that you have a soldier deployed in a war zone. A Gold Star banner indicates that you have lost a loved one due to war. Ours has remained blue for 2 separate deployments over the past 4 1/2 years.)
So it is with a heart filled with thanksgiving and gratefulness that I write this. He’s coming home. Alive. Whole. He’s coming home.
The Steps
Like many of you, I have step siblings. Mine are on both sides of the parental aisle and I must say that almost without exception, these step-siblings have added to and blessed my life in unimaginable ways.
Lest you think I’m over romanticizing the dynamics and challenges of living in a blended family – trust me, I’m not. I remember all too well how difficult it was adjusting to having new siblings enter the family. And, not all of them/us were thrilled at blending two families together – which in and of itself presented challenges.
My natal family was just my sister and me. So imagine the shock to our system when my mother married a man with 4 boys – all of whom lived with their father. That’s right, our family grew from 3 to 8 when they married. And, my sister and I had to then had to make sure we were dressed appropriately just to go to the shared bathroom down the hall as there were now boys in the house. That most of us were teenagers at the time made things even more interesting – the hormones, drama, etc. But, we all adapted and, looking back, rather quickly. What surprises me the most when I think about that time was how quickly the siblings forged bonds. There were 6 of us – 6 of us – but forge we did.
When I ponder that time in my life, I often reflect upon the fact that all 6 of us grew up to be respectful, responsible and contributing adults. And, I can’t help but think that each of us had a positive influence on the other in some way. We certainly couldn’t be selfish and we all had to learn how to share and consider others – which only helped to build character. Oh, we fought and fussed like siblings do – but we always made up and never held a grudge – or at least none that I am aware of.
I know my life benefitted in having brothers. Men – even young ones – seem to have a natural instinct to protect and defend. And, there have been several instances when one or more of my step-brothers came to my defense. I liked that feeling of an important male in my life having my back. And, they are important to me to this day.
What I ultimately learned from my step sibling experiences is that our shared experience bonded us all in a life-long relationship – one that has outlived our parents, who are both deceased. I also learned that the capacity to love someone as a brother or a sister is not limited by blood. Indeed, it was living as a step sibling that I first learned the limitless capacity for love that we humans possess. And, for that, I am very grateful. I’m also grateful for my 4 step brothers whom I do not refer to as “step” as they are and ever will be simply, my brothers. Period.
Charlotte McGuirre’s Punch
I wanted to share this recipe for a crowd-pleasing punch which you may find useful during the upcoming holiday season. I got the recipe from a friend who served it at her daughter’s wedding and I have served it many times after – most recently at my mother-in-law’s birthday party. We ran out of punch as so many folks were coming back for seconds!
If you do happen to have any leftover, don’t throw it out! Instead, pour and store it in a pitcher.
Yes, the Sprite will go flat, but it doesn’t really matter as the wonderful fruit flavor is still there.
Charlotte McGuirre’s Punch
1 12 ounce can of frozen cranberry juice (de-thaw in the refrigerator overnight)
1 12 ounce can of frozen orange juice (de-thaw in the refrigerator overnight)
1 46 ounce can of chilled pineapple juice
2 – 1 liter bottles of chilled Sprite
3 ripe bananas
1 16 ounce bag frozen strawberries
In a blender, puree the bananas and strawberries.
In a large punch bowl combine the juices and pureed fruit. Stir until mixed well together.
Slowly add one liter of Sprite at a time. The punch will foam – so do this slowly.
Using a punch ladle, gently stir/ mix the punch, reaching down at the very bottom to pull up any
settled fruit
To keep the punch cold while serving, you can either make an ice ring in a Jello mold or tube pan (I
put fresh strawberries and/or cranberries in my rings with a drop of red food coloring) the day before OR use several handfuls of crushed ice or ice cubes. The ice ring looks nicer and with some advanced planning you can make one. But, if you forget, just use a few handfuls of ice. To unmold an ice ring turn it upside down, holding it with one hand, while you run the metal part under hot water until it slips out of the mold.
Dating and Mating
I was watching ABC’s Nightline last night and there was a segment about a new book titled Is Marriage for White People? by Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks. Mr. Banks writes about the statistics about
black unmarried women: 70 percent of them are unmarried – defined as either having never been married, divorced, separated or widowed – compared to 45 percent of unmarried white women.
In his book, Banks provides the results of roughly 100 interviews with African-Americans about their marriage and dating ideals and experiences. His explanation as to why marriage rates are so low
among black Americans is that there is a shortage of eligible black men. “There’s a social catastrophe going on in terms of black men,” he said. “Imprisonment numbers, unemployment numbers, under-performance
academically, these are crisis not just for African-Americans, but for the nation.”
So, his suggestion is that black females should look for husbands outside of their race. Compared to other races/ethnic groups – 41 percent of Hispanic women, 48 percent of Asian women and 58 percent of Native American women in the United States – only 9% of black women marry outside of their race. Just for the record, only 8 percent of white women marry outside their race.
I haven’t read the book – but something about the title and theme made me somewhat uncomfortable. And, I think that it is this: more than race, I think it is the cultural differences that can cause strain
in a relationship and impede the consideration of a serious, committed, lifetime relationship. I know this from personal experience.
In college, I had a mixed race, charming Cuban boyfriend who was a great dancer and who wanted to marry me when we both graduated. However, he informed me that because he was Cuban, he would, of course, have a mistress at some point after we were married and only if he could afford a mistress, as that was part of his culture. Fortunately for me, he informed me of this before I fell in love with him and before we got too serious (if you get my drift). I remember looking at him and thanking him for his candor and then explaining calmly to him that while that plan may be part of his culture – my culture frowned upon that arrangement. Needless to say, I ended what was the beginning of a romantic relationship.
I’ve learned over time that – for me – I needed a partner who could appreciate a good chicken fried steak, use “y’all” instead of “you guys”, understand that country music tells the best stories about life, keep his word as it was his bond, shake hands with a firm grip and be able to mix and mingle with all walks of life. I happened to find someone within my own race who is the perfect match for me – but I know that there are men from other races who were raised in the South who would also understand and relate to my list.
So, my take on the whole interracial thing is this: When “looking” for a marriage partner, be open to any possibility but be wary of cultural differences that may not align with your philosophies or beliefs. I truly believe that those are the “deal breakers” rather than the color of anyone’s skin. Really.
The Halves
I have only lived with one of my half siblings – yes, there are several – for just the first 3 months of his life. The others were raised in completely different families and because of the family dynamics (what I really mean is dysfunction), I really don’t know any of them.
Over the years, however, anytime that I did see them, I was struck by how strong genetics can be. It’s not that the halves look like me – in fact, 3 of us don’t look like we’re related to the other 3 – but there are some similarities of interests and behaviors.
I harbor a fantasy that at some point, we can all come together and somehow get to know each other as adults but that may be difficult as we are flung all over the U.S. We are related by blood after all and no one has had a “falling out.” It’s just that the parents of the various halves did little – if anything – to foster relationships. And, with some of those parents still living, things are still a bit awkward. The situation makes me sad when I think about it. We are all victims in various ways of some poor decisions and choices that others made and that we had absolutely nothing to do with and no say in.
So, you go forward in life knowing that you have siblings out there with families of their own whom you don’t know except for the Christmas cards with photos that arrive each year. But, I hold on to the fantasy – which in reality is more of a dream, I guess – that perhaps sometime in the future, we might be able to gather together for more of a “meet and greet” rather than a reunion. Whether that ever happens or not, I sincerely hope and pray that life treats them all kindly because they are still my brothers and sisters.
My Mother-in-Law’s Favorite Cake
I spent a good portion of the day today with my mother-in-law and doing so inspired me to share her favorite cake recipe. My handsome half and I moved away from his home town a few years ago and when we went back to celebrate her birthday the year after we left, one of her granddaughters had brought a purchased cake. My mother-in-law looked at the table and whispered to me, “I thought you’d bring the Mandarin orange cake for my birthday – I was really looking forward to it.” I promised her that I’d bring one to her our next trip and I did. I’ve never missed bringing one to her since.
In fact, making someone’s favorite cake for their birthday – homemade and in most instances “from scratch”– is usually my gift for family and close friends’ birthdays. Particularly for the women in my life who are usually the ones who organize birthdays, special treats, etc. for their families but often get overlooked when their special day rolls around. Not that they get forgotten, it’s just that I found that no one seems to remember to make the favorite cake for them. So, I try and do that for them. I’ve made some new friends recently who also do this for each other – so the idea isn’t original to me – and I encourage you to do the same for your circle of friends and family if you can bake.
This particular recipe is delicious, relatively easy to make and is a crowd pleaser. I know this because our family recently held an 88th birthday party for my mother-in-law. Over 100 people attended and to handle those numbers, we had 2 cakes: a large red velvet, commercially made, beautifully decorated red velvet cake and a homemade Mandarin orange cake. Folks were getting pieces of the red velvet cake that was the official cake for the party. Then, they’d find out about the Mandarin orange cake from my mother-in-law and ask for a piece of that. She finally realized that she was directing too many people to “her” cake and made it clear that she wanted enough left for her to enjoy later. We made sure that happened.
MANDARIN ORANGE CAKE
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare 3 – 8 inch round cake pans by greasing and flouring.
Cake Ingredients:
1 package of butter flavored cake mix
4 eggs
1 cup of canola cooking oil
1 11 ounce can of mandarin oranges (undrained)
Combine cake mix, eggs, cooking oil and 1 can of undrained mandarin oranges. Mix well
with a wire whisk. Spoon mixture evenly in the 3 prepared cake pans and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Cakes will be done when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Remove from oven and allow cakes to stand for 5 – 10 minutes before removing them and placing on either 3 sheets of waxed paper or wire cooling racks. Cool cakes completely before frosting.
Frosting ingredients:
1 12 ounce tub of extra creamy frozen dessert topping – divided use
1 3 ounce package of instant French vanilla pudding mix
1 20 ounce can of crushed pineapple (undrained)
1 11 ounce can of mandarin oranges (drained) – to be used for decoration
Using 2/3 of the 12 ounce tub, combine the frozen dessert topping with the instant pudding mix and undrained can of crushed pineapple. Mix well with a wire whisk. Place one of the cake layers on a serving dish and frost the top with 1/3 of the frosting mix. Repeat with the second and third layers. Only the tops of the 3 cake layers will be frosted with the frosting mix. Frost the sides of the cake with the other 1/3 of the frozen dessert topping mix. Garnish and/or make a design with the drained mandarin orange slices on the top of the cake. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Just Answer the Question, PLEASE!
One thing that makes my hair want to EXPLODE is the fact that politicians cannot – and I seriously mean CANNOT – apparently answer any question posed to them with a direct “yes” or “no” response. It matters not their gender, party affiliation, etc, etc. – they just cannot answer a question…simply. Why, I have to ask? Why?
I often wonder if I am the ONLY one who notices this about politicians? Perhaps I’m too simple-minded but it just seems that anytime a question is posed, it’s almost as if the politician is part of an alternative universe – much like an Alzheimer’s patient – as the answers are often unrelated to the original question. So I, a likely voter, at the very least am left scratching my head or in complete frustration – find myself talking back to the T.V. Recently, a bug on the wall would have witnessed me sounding like Marlon Brando as Stanley Kowlaski, begging in a guttural voice the politician being interviewed: “puleeeese just answer the question…….puleeeese.” I then curled up in a fetal position as the interview droned on feeling thoroughly exhausted and depleted.
What this all leaves me with are serious doubts as to the honesty of ANY politician. If they can’t answer questions directly – if everything they say has been spun to the point that there is no substance – if they have to be “handled” by professionals who tell them what to say and how to think based on focus groups and polling data, then they are nothing other than puppets – talking heads. And, this makes me sad for our political system as well as for the politicians themselves.
I don’t know the answer to this problem other than running for office myself and “putting my money where my mouth is.” However, that’s neither an attractive nor viable option. What I do know is this: I’ll vote for ANYONE running for ANY office who can answer questions posed to them directly and candidly. And, I can’t possibly be the only one who feels the way.
The Whole
How can I adequately express my feelings about the special relationship that I share with the only sibling with whom I share the same parents which makes us each other’s most close relation? We also share a history that none of my other siblings will ever know or understand. The fact that we also enjoy a close friendship is both a bonus and a blessing.
To say that we haven’t always seen eye to eye is an understatement. But, we’ve been able to work through things. We’ve been through a lot together and, because life is imperfect, I am quite sure there are more things we’ll have to help each other through. And, as long as we both shall live, we each know that the other will be there.
My only whole is a sister. When I have told friends with whom I’ve developed an almost-equally-as-close relationship that I “love them like a sister,” it is probably the highest accolade that I can bestow on them. Sometimes, I have to explain what I mean as some women and their sisters don’t get along or they don’t have a sister. And when this is the case, I truly feel sorry for them as having a sister is one of the greatest blessings of my life.
And, because I see her as a blessing, I try hard to be grateful and not take her for granted. In other words, I work at the relationship – as does she. I think that is why we consider each other friends and not just two people who happen to be related. I can’t imagine life without her – and I sincerely hope that we are allowed many more years as we both need each other.
I remind others of this when they share any issues they might have with a sibling or siblings. As time goes by, siblings will probably come to an awareness that on some level they need each other more than realized because a sibling is a living connection to your childhood and therefore your own personal history. Granted, some would rather not – and should not – remember or re-visit their childhood due to abuse, mistreatment, etc. However, for most, I’ve learned that most sibling “issues” arise from petty grievances and jealousies. And, as adults, they just can’t seem to get past those issues. This is sad.
So, my hope is that those with “issues” can somehow resolve them or at least put them aside and find common ground that can be appreciated and nurtured.
Stoup’s On!
I’m in Annapolis enjoying the weather and the boat show that we’re here to see. We travelled here with friends who are boat owners and sailors and seeing the show through their eyes is much like watching joyful children at Christmas. It warms my and my handsome half’s collective hearts to see folks we care about drooling and dreaming. It also warms our hearts to know that – while we are very glad that they own boats – we are very glad that we don’t. Too much work!
Besides enjoying all of the sights and sounds of a seaport and the boat show, being in a locale that actually experiences a true autumn made me think about how much I love soups and stews. The following is one of our family favorites. It’s been known to have curative powers, so I highly recommend it on those days when you need something to boost your immune system. Since it is thicker than a soup but thinner than a stew, it’s sort of a hybrid – a “stoup” as Rachel Ray says. It freezes very well – so if it makes too much for one meal, pop the leftovers in the freezer for another time.
VEGETABLE BEEF SOUP/STEW
1 ½ pounds of lean beef stew meat
Salt and pepper
Flour
2 TBSP. oil
2 TSP. flour
Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste on both sides of stew meat. Heat oil in large pot on medium heat. Dredge meat in flour and cook meat until browned, stirring often. Then sprinkle 2 TBSP. flour and stir again. Add to the browned meat:
2 cups water
2 cloves minced garlic OR 1 tsp. minced jarred garlic
3 tsps. beef bouillon cubes or 3 tsps. of “Better Than Bouillon Beef Base”
2 bay leaves
¼ tsp. thyme leaves
Stir well and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 1 ½ hour or until meat is tender.
While meat is stewing, wash and cut vegetables into bite sized pieces:
½ head of cabbage
1 medium to large onion
1 medium to large potato
1 zucchini OR yellow squash
2 carrots
1 stalk celery
1 bell pepper
1 turnip (optional)
After meat has stewed and meat is tender, add the vegetables along with:
1 cup of water
1 14 ounce can of Italian diced tomatoes
Stir well and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for an hour or until vegetables are tender, stirring occasionally.
Strengthening the Ties That Bind
My handsome half and I are currently enjoying some time away with friends. I guess you could call it an official vacation. And, he has asked me to post just a short blog to let you know that.
Besides taking some time for ourselves, we are also catching up with some longtime friends – eating together, sharing family stories, looking at the newest pictures of recent experiences, etc. Sweet moments shared with folks dear to us – something I highly recommend people do to keep the bonds of friendship strong.
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