Spreading Joy
No, this isn’t some syrupy post – I’m not that perky! Rather, this post is an open love letter to the world about Medora # 3 – or M3 as I also call her. She is my maternal grandmother and I love and appreciate her more than I can adequately express. She played the largest and most significant role in my upbringing and it was from her that I directly learned so many of life’s lessons. Indeed, Medora’s brand is based on those lessons: Life’s Simple Truths (www.medoraonline.com). Over the years, she has helped me navigate the sometimes murky waters of life by helping me see the often simple solution to a problem. If I shared her advice with my friends, whoever was listening to me (and my current travail) would without exception remark, “I wish I had a grandmother like that”. I have yet to meet anyone who has a grandmother quite like mine. She is the wisest woman I, and many others, know.
Friends have often asked me to run their situation by M3 for her advice and insight – and they had never met her! I’ve also had friends reverently and respectfully ask to meet her, travelling great distances by car or plane just to do so. I have observed on more than one occasion, as I was introducing them to her, how they approached her with an air of awe – sort of like meeting a great world leader or celebrity. Amazing, when you think about it.
The world is blessed to still have her but my family is the most blessed because we have direct access and contact. So, part of my mission – indeed my impetus as the contemporary Medora – is to share M3 not only with my friends, but with the entire world. You need her – really.
Incidentally, her first name is Joy – quite an appropriate name as that is what she brings, gives and shares. So now you understand the title of this blog. Got joy? If not, stay with me as I share and spread Joy’s (M3) wisdom and insight. If it affects you the way it has me, you’ll be much better and stronger. And, your life WILL be much simpler.
Got a contagious ‘tude?
Howdy! I had a great time this past weekend in the College Station, Texas area. Everywhere I went I was hailed with the Texas A & M Aggie greeting, “howdy!” So something must have rubbed off (this is horrifying my handsome half who bleeds University of Texas burnt orange!). The attitude of those who enthusiastically greet strangers in this fashion is contagious. Even if you are in a bad mood or having a bad day, you can’t help but smile at the warmth and hospitality inherent in that simple, folksy word. Being in the company of folks with a good – one might even say a great – attitude just lifts your spirits. It did mine and I wasn’t even in a bad mood!
Besides lifting someone’s spirits, being around such people might also make us yearn for – even envy – such a positive, cheerful attitude – yet it seems elusive and unattainable for many. Life can be hard and heartbreaking which tends to make some folks sad, bitter and negative. Deep down, one of the greatest human desires is for love and acceptance. However, being sad, bitter and negative makes us unlikable/unloveable, driving people away – which is the very thing not wanted.
From experience, we know that some people are easier to like/love than others. The difference between being easy to like/love or not is – if you think about the people in your life – that those with a good attitude are the ones you prefer to be around. If you desire to be the kind of person that others want to be around, then the question you have to ask yourself is: am I an easy person to like/love? If, upon honest reflection, you have to admit that you might be just a tad difficult (has anyone ever called you “high maintenance” or perhaps another distasteful, derogatory name?), and you want things to be different, then maybe an attitude adjustment is in order.
Which now brings me to today’s Medora’s Simple Truth – and it is perhaps one of the greatest, most helpful truths: you can truly change your life by changing your attitude. How you think and what you think about controls your actions. And, if you don’t/can’t/won’t control your attitude, it may very well end up controlling you.
Bedtime Advice
O.K. – I almost screamed this morning as I was watching a news report about children sleeping in their parent’s bed. The report showed a couple who had hired a sleep expert to help the parents with getting their children (both over the toddler stage!) to sleep in their own beds. I was truly appalled by the over indulgent approach. Without even calling her, I know just what my grandmother, Medora #3 – or M3 (I’m M5) – would say: Have loving, kind but firm rules and then expect the children to mind you and them. Children are no different than the rest of us in that they feel more secure and stable when they are led with confident and competent authority. Think of a well run corporate entity and you’ll understand what I mean.
Parenting styles fall into 4 basic categories: Permissive, neglectful, authoritarian and authortative. Child development experts will tell you that the best style is authoritative (and all of the Medoras would agree). Authoritative parents use non-punitive discipline (i.e., they don’t beat their children into submission!) methods setting clear guidelines, rules and standards which outline the consequences of bad behavior while balancing things by recognizing and respecting their child’s need for individuality. Study after study has shown that children of authoritative parents are the most socially competent, exhibit the lowest levels of problem behaviors and mature into functioning adults.
Over the past 50 years of so, I believe that one of the biggest parenting problems is that too many parents have chosen the permissive style. Permissive parents expect less in the way of good/mature behavior, often making excuses for their child rather than realizing that they are doing their child no favors. Additionally, they tend to allow the child more self-regulation and more age-inappropriate decision-making . Children in permissive households are often the ones in charge and the family is “child centered”. In the case of an only child, this can be particularly disastrous as the child is then raised to believe that the world revolves around them. Think of the disappointment experienced when they have to face the fact that the world does not.
The simple truth on children sleeping with parents? There are exceptions, of course to any rule. And, a kind and loving parent will know when to make an exception. But you also need to know that families are stronger when the focus is on the couple – i.e., the couple love and care for each other, putting their commitment to each other first and foremost. This model of unwavering trust and commitment is one of the best teaching laboratories, providing stability and security for children. And part of that commitment is ensuring that you have a time and place for intimacy and rest. Generally, that place is and should be the parent’s bed – their common refuge. Single parents especially need a place to be able to relax and rejuvenate as the demands on them are greater as they aren’t shared with a partner. So, decide on a way or ways to kindly, lovingly encourage children to sleep in their own bed. But begin from the get-go – not when they are 5 as it will be MUCH harder. If doing so makes you feel bad or mean, remember that effective parenting is not about you or your feelings. Rather, it is about the end game of parenting: raising children into independent, fully functional, self-supporting, contributing, caring, responsible adults.
Hello World!
Welcome! Today is the birth of my blog and I specifically chose to launch on this day as it is also my daughter’s birthday. Choosing her birthday to launch is very appropriate as she is the 6th generation of Medoras in my family. Yes, we really have passed down our unique name over the past 133 years that many times. Amazing when you think about it.
My mission is to share with the world some of the “simple truths” that I have learned either from my ancestors or from personal experience and observation. Why? Because I care about people – that would be you – and truly wish to help others navigate this sometimes bewildering thing called “life” . Most of what I will share are timeless truths as there is no expiration date on wisdom. I also want you to know that I didn’t and don’t make the rules about life. Rather, I simply report the reality. And, the dirty little secret is that most of us don’t like having to face/deal with reality. Who wouldn’t rather live our fantasy life? But, living in fantasy land – or in the state of denial – leads to frustration, depression and dissatisfaction.
So here is the first of many simple truths I want to share with you: the journey to become the person you want to be is going to be a long one. So be patient with yourself. But, do always strive to be a better person each day you are allowed life. Have a bad day or make a mistake (or several?) one day? Then be thankful when the day is done and go to sleep with the idea that tomorrow will be better/different. Think about it – it has to be – you aren’t going to wake up and repeat the same mistake(s) again the next day, are you? (please say no!) Nor, in all likelihood, will the exact same things that caused you to have a bad day be repeated. Perhaps – but the odds are in your favor that they won’t.
But what if you are in a difficult situation that seemingly has no end? Ah, that is another simple truth. Things change – they really, ultimately do. You’ll either adapt to the situation and make the best of it, find a way to resolve it or the situation will resolve itself. Regardless of how things change, if you are wise and hopeful (please want to be wise and hopeful!) you’ll learn, evolve and grow in understanding.
So, dear world, enjoy the journey on the way to being the person you want to be and were meant to be. It really is a great ride.
Medora Online 